We have so many people in our lives, so many names to remember, so many faces that we must recognize. We have to store information about all of these people and about each of their lives in our brains as identifiers so that when we come in contact with them, we can ask them the necessary relevant questions and respond with the necessary relevant answers. We have to wrack our brains to come up with topics to talk about or gossip about or rave about in order to create conversation. We have to smile and make eye contact and when asked how we are we must reply with "I am good," or "I am great," instead of how we actually are. Because most of our relationships are shallow and never reach any deeper than the surface. These people know our names, our faces, and our basic genetic makeup. But they are completely unaware of our passions, our hearts, our souls, what makes us tick, the things that make us feel alive.
We keep people at a distance. Maybe it's because we feel unwilling to share these deeper aspects of our lives. Maybe it's because we are afraid of being judged. Maybe it's because we lack trust. But the majority of our relationships are trivial and superficial. For instance, I only text the girl in my Communications class when I have a question about a homework assignment. I only say "hi" to the girl who lives down the hall when we pass by each other in the bathroom. I only ask the barista at Starbucks how their day is going when there is an awkward lull in the exchange process because the cash register is stalling, and even then I don't really tune in to their response because the question was not posed to provoke an answer, it was meant to fill a silent space.
Because of the superficiality of these relationships, I am always nice and cordial. I am never mean or rude to these people unless they give me a reason to be, which they hardly ever do because they feel the shallowness of the relationship as well and they don't want to plunge into the depths of who I am just as much as I feel no desire to dive into the abyss of who they are. We're comfortable merely tip-toeing into the puddle of a person, not immersing ourselves into the ocean that makes them so much more.
But when it comes to the deeper relationships that I have, everything changes. I not only know their names and their faces but I know the innermost parts of them. I know the things in their pasts that have shaped them. I know what makes them jealous. I know how to push their buttons. I know how to make them laugh. I know when they need a hug. I know their secrets. I understand the roller coaster craziness of what makes them who they are as opposed to just knowing the blissful merry-go-round of fake smiles and rhetorical questions of the people in my other relationships.
However, knowing this subaqueous information somehow gives me the excuse to be rude, harsh, and even cruel to these people whom I love. Why is this? Why do we have to be so amiable and polite to the people we know nothing about but we find it acceptable to be so incredibly venomous and vindictive to those we love the most?
We never say what we really think to those we could care less about. We never express how we really feel to those we have a purely passing relationship with. But if we're angry, we will release our deepest rage upon our parents. If we're jealous, we will spew poisonous words across states to reach our significant other's ears. If we feel cornered, we will unleash our claws upon our friends with nasty put-downs and insulting comments.
It's a shame, really, that we can hurl so much abuse upon the people we love. It's terrible but, at the same time, it can also open our eyes so we can recognize the people who really, truly care about us and love us. Because if we can express what we really think and feel to a person, even if it is horrible and despicable beyond belief, and they stick around despite how badly the words wounded them or unnerved them, then we know that the relationship is true. We know that we can trust them to stay by us no matter what. It is not through our words of love and affection and devotion that we can surely know a person's loyalty, but rather through the instances when a person stands by us through our most ugly, repulsive, and undoubtedly honest moments.
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