Perceptions of "right and wrong"

I find myself so unsure about so many things: what I should do; which path I should take; who my real friends are; if I'm doing the right thing; if I'm giving the right advice; how I really feel; what my opinions actually are; who I really am. I have self-confidence but sometimes I lack self-assurance. I can speak my mind and tell the truth and express how I feel, but sometimes I hold back. Maybe it's because I fear rejection. Maybe it's because I am afraid of judgement. Maybe I am tentative to come to a set conclusion because I fear that others won't agree.

This may stem from my childhood. My parents often frequented their own opinions about the world and people and politics and I listened, soaking it all in as the gospel truth. As I grew, perhaps I began to question their beliefs and started to formulate my own. But I never voiced them; I never shared them in fear of creating an argument. Or maybe it was in fear that they would view me differently. Maybe it was because I just wanted to keep these opinions to myself.

But my silence about the world and people and politics has turned into passiveness. Sometimes I don't know what I believe. And most days I see the world in shades of grey instead of permanent black and white. I believe that cheating is wrong. But what if a woman cheats on her husband because he beats her and she just wants to experience some semblance of feeling with someone else? Are her actions justified because she has been treated unjustly? I think that people should not steal. But should we punish a homeless, starving child for stealing a candy bar from the shelf of a grocery store? Do we just turn the child away empty-handed and not give them a second thought? I feel that abortion is a sad and terrible thing. But what if a woman is assaulted and raped and she becomes pregnant with her rapist's baby? Is it acceptable to judge her for terminating her pregnancy when the alternative is giving birth to a child whose existence would be an upsetting reminder of her rape?

People have such strong beliefs and opinions about what they feel is morally "right and wrong" when really, who even knows for sure what is? Who defines "right" and "wrong" and their limitations? People can sit in a room and argue all day about their perceptions of the world but no two people will ever agree absolutely. There will always be a catch, a "but," a grey area.

Maybe that's why I'm so hesitant to form strong opinions and share them with others. Because there will always be a grey area for any belief that I have and there will always be a situation that can have the ability to make me feel differently. I believe that people are not perfect and no one is right all the time and everyone screws up. And I think that maybe instead of being so focused on the reasons why we are "right" or why someone else is "wrong," we should focus on the grey area in between those extremes. Because those are the situations that need attention and mercy and love. Those are the situations that make us forget about our own trivial opinions and connect as human beings.

Time and recognition

Time is a curious thing. You so desperately want it to speed up, to win first place in a NASCAR race, to act as a cheetah sprinting across the savannah. And as soon as it does, you want to take back every wish you ever had to hurry the time along because you need more of it. You no longer see time as something to throw away but as something to cherish and treasure. You don't see the day as relentless hours but as precious seconds that should be appreciated and remembered fully. You don't see your current situation as a burden but as a gift.

Time, as the age-old cliche says, also heals. It lessens the pain of heartaches. It gives you closure. It changes aspects of your life. It provides clarity. It can help you to recognize the poison that has been eating away at your life...at your character...at your dignity, your conscience, your heart. It's hard to recognize that you've formed a bad habit until enough time has passed and you can step back and realize what you've done and what you've been doing for quite some time. It can be something as simple as gossiping behind a friend's back or something as crucial as dropping a friend from your life completely. How can we expect to better ourselves if we do not first recognize our own faults? How can we expect to become the best versions of ourselves if we cannot understand our wrongdoings and ask for forgiveness?

We are not flawless. We are not perfect. We cannot avoid sin. But we can look our sins square in the face and say "you are evil and wrong." We can go to those who we have wronged and ask them to give us another chance. We can admit to our wrongdoings and ask for forgiveness. In fact, that is about all we can do.

We are who we choose to be. We are who we decide to become. If at the end of the day, we are not proud of who we are then how can we expect others to look upon us with favor? If we are ashamed of things we have done, how can we expect to live a blissful life without first facing our sins?

We must use time to our advantage. We must not waste it being ashamed or embarrassed or afraid. If we feel a certain way, we must take the necessary action to supply that feeling with its antidote and provide the word describing that feeling with its antonym. Feel ashamed? Admit to your shame and regain your confidence. Feel embarrassed? Take a few breaths, close your eyes, and find your composure. Feel afraid? Dig deep and discover your innermost courage. Because in the grand scheme of things, all we really are guaranteed is the body, the soul, and the time we are given. And if we cannot look in the mirror and feel at peace with the person we are, then we must change. And if we cannot look back upon our lives and feel absolutely sure that we utilized every second, every day, and each moment to the best of our ability, then we have failed.

Things I've learned at college:
1. It is possible to live off of Easy Mac.
2. If someone has a balding problem, you will see the evidence of it in the shower drain and suffer the consequences.
3. Boys don't become more mature: it's a myth. They simply grow taller and get facial hair.
4. Finding a dollar on the ground will make you feel richer than Kim K.
5. A bunch of girls all living together and sharing the same bathroom will create drama and gossip that's even uglier than high school.